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Telegram 테마 태그:other

    SickipediaTuesday, December 8, 2020 1:45 PM

    My son's music teacher called me up and said looks like we have a new Elvis on our hands. I said wow is he that good? She said no we just found him dead on the toilet.#other

    SickipediaMonday, December 7, 2020 4:45 PM

    All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...Long
    ‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”

    ‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”

    ‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Because I process food and give all of you energy.”

    ‟I should be in charge,” said the legs, ‟because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”

    ‟I should be in charge,” said the eyes, ‟Because I allow the body to see where it goes.”

    ‟I should be in charge,” said the rectum, ‟Because Im responsible for waste removal.”

    All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

    The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge#other

    SickipediaMonday, December 7, 2020 10:45 AM

    People keep anthromorphising this virus it doesn't have a brain, it doesn't think, it's not intelligent.
    It's spreads successfully because those same characteristics also apply to 50% of the population.#other

    SickipediaMonday, December 7, 2020 6:15 AM

    A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private studyMaid: "I'd like a raise."

    Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

    Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

    Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

    Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

    Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

    Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."

    Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"

    Maid:"No, the gardener."

    Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"#other

    SickipediaSunday, December 6, 2020 4:45 PM

    An engineer dies and is sent to hell
    He’s hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from plce to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

    One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what’s up?

    The Devil says, ‟Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer.”

    ‟What?” says God.. ‟An engineer? I did not send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately.”

    The Devil responds, ‟No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him.”

    God demands, ‟If you don't send him to me immediately, I will sue!”

    The Devil laughs. ‟Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”#other

    SickipediaSunday, December 6, 2020 6:15 AM

    An English man meets a Chinese woman in his travels...
    They fall in love and live a happy life in England. The woman, however cannot speak in English and has to have her husband translate for her. One day, the man was rather busy and asked his wife to make duck breast. She goes to the butcher but then realizes she doesn’t know how to tell him what she wants. As she’s about to leave in embarrassment, she comes upon an idea. She points at her breasts, and the butcher understands, giving her the duck breast. On the next day, seeing how the previous day turned out, the man asked the woman to go to the butcher to get chicken legs. When she gets there, after a bit of thinking, raises her skirt and points at her thighs. The butcher gets the message and gives her the chicken legs. On the next day, the man asked the woman to go to the butcher to get sausages. Unable to think of anything, she decides to bring her husband to the butcher with her.

    Upon arriving, the husband says ‟I’d like some sausages please”.#other

    SickipediaFriday, December 4, 2020 1:45 PM

    If it weren't for Arabs, we would never have 9/11Instead it would be IX / XI#other

    SickipediaFriday, December 4, 2020 6:45 AM

    At a recent job interview, the hiring manager asked if I could perform under pressure.I said, "No, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody."#other

    SickipediaThursday, December 3, 2020 1:45 PM

    The three unwritten rules of life:
    1.
    2.
    3.#other

    SickipediaWednesday, December 2, 2020 1:45 PM

    When I was a kid Santa gave me a lump of coal. The next year, I poisoned his cookies.
    Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad..#other

    SickipediaWednesday, December 2, 2020 11:15 AM

    How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?Ask them what a dungeon master is#other

    SickipediaWednesday, December 2, 2020 6:15 AM

    How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?#other

    SickipediaTuesday, December 1, 2020 4:15 PM

    A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.
    "What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

    "Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

    "Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

    The bartender tells him, "Turn it around." So the guy does, takes another bite, and is suddenly quite pleased.

    "It tastes like a coke! It's a rum and coke apple? It's a rum and coke apple! That's pretty neat, pal."

    Another man approaches the bar, and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple.

    Confused, the man begins to question the validity of the bartender, when the first guy reassures him, "Buddy, try the apple," and with a nod to his own, takes another bite.

    The second man follows suit, and looks back at the bartender in exclamation, "Tonic! What's this, a tonic apple?"

    The bartender swirls his finger in the air and tells the man, "Turn it around..."

    The man has a bite from the other side of the apple and is exuberant. "It's gin! It's really gin! A gin and tonic apple!"

    The two men reveled in this discovery for a while, when a dwarf walked up to the bar, made his way onto a stool beside the men, and beckoned for the bartender. As he's about to order, the second man interrupts him, "Oh, hey man wait! You should order an apple! You can get an apple that tastes like anything you want here! I've got a gin and tonic apple, and this guy's got a rum and coke apple!"

    The dwarf casts an incredulous look at the bartender, who plainly nods back in confirmation.

    "Oh yeah?" He starts, "OK then, it's been a while, gimme a pussy flavored apple!"

    And the bartender hands him an apple.

    The dwarf takes a big, expectant bite from the apple, and immediately spits it out all over the bar.

    "Ughyuuk!!" He cries out, "This apple tastes like shit!"

    The bartender swirls his finger in the air and tells him, "Turn it around..."#other

    SickipediaTuesday, December 1, 2020 1:45 PM

    I live every day like it is my last.Lying in bed consuming morphine while my family cries.#other

    SickipediaMonday, November 30, 2020 4:45 PM

    A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
    She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

    The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

    The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

    The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

    What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The blond replies:

    ”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”#other

    SickipediaSunday, November 29, 2020 4:45 PM

    Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.#other

    SickipediaSaturday, November 28, 2020 1:45 PM

    There once was a man from Saudi,Who bought his wife an Audi.
    She said wow that’s pretty cool,
    Now I can drive your other wives to school.#other

    SickipediaSaturday, November 28, 2020 6:15 AM

    I think my coworkers are gayEvery time I walk by, they mumble "what an ass"#other

    SickipediaFriday, November 27, 2020 1:45 PM

    An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
    “Of course child. What may I do for you?"

    "Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"

    "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."

    "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.
    When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

    "From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."
    The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

    Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."

    Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"#other

    SickipediaThursday, November 26, 2020 4:45 PM

    Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever.We call those people cops.#other

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